Today, well, really, the past couple days, has been a reality check of life with food allergies. Praise the Lord I had a great weekend away with my friend. I felt great (other than lack of sleep!) and I did get to talk extensively with my friend about what life is like with them. I even helped her figure out something she was eating that had made her sick because of a food allergy!
You know those days when things are just flying around in your mind and you don't realize they are there until one big moment, and then things come crashing in you on? That happens in normal life without food allergies, but for me, it seems, dealing with food allergies causes this to happen more often! Tuesday night through Wednesday morning I was having problems with tightness in my upper chest/lower throat area. I still don't know if I ate something that gave me this reaction or if something else was going on, but regardless it was a scary experience at various parts. Thankfully, I avoided the emergency room and the compounded liquid Benadryl helped calm the reactions some. But any time after a big reaction my mind always works in over-drive: "Was it this food? No, maybe this one? What about this? But I ate that another time and I was fine, etc, etc, etc." It makes me scared to eat some days since I don't want to repeat that experience!
This time around I was thinking of even more things than I realized -- that's because we have a move looming ahead. And not just any move, a move overseas! We are working on packing up the rest of what we won't want between now and mid-July when we move out of our apartment. We'll spend 6 or so weeks with family and then head to Scotland for my husband to do his PhD. While we are so excited about this change, for me it has brought a lot of uncertainties too.
So today it all hit me -- I had been thinking since my "episode" on Tues/Wed, "How am I going to cut out foods I've been eating and eat new ones all while trying to focus my energy on moving? How am I going to travel while trying to figure out new allergies or dealing with allergies that aren't in control? Whatever will I find to eat once we move? How will these new allergies play in to what I can find?" Whew. It's a lot for a mind to think about!
That's when I sat down to ask God to calm my heart and mind. I cannot live in this state of fear and anxiety. I have been forgetting that He's my source of strength and my help in these days of uncertainties and trials. I was grateful He brought to mind the verses I memorized earlier this year for days like this:
"I will bless the Lord at all times;
His praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My sould will makes it boast in the Lord;
The humble will hear it and rejoice.
O magnify the Lord with me,
And let us exalt His name together.
I sought the Lord, and He answered me,
And delivered me from all my fears."
Psalm 34:1-4
So, again I praise God for these experiences, for the chance to stop and rejoice in the life He's given me. I have sought Him, and He has answered me and delivered me from all my fears....until I forget again and we go through the process again. Let us exalt His name together that He is a God who takes away my fears and gives me chance after chance to trust Him anew.
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